textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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