K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
