today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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