Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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