um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
