It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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