If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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