Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
