So drunk its hurt
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
