So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
