WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
