i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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