hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
