i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
