Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
