I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
