try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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