it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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