If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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