plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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