Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
