i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
