I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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