my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize