I got chris browned last night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
