ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
