why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
birth control should be required to get into college
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
