Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
