Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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