That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
