i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
