her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
