I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
