I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
