Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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