Pappa wants mamma naked
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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