is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
