maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
