Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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