apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
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I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
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Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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