Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
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