I will die if light touches me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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