Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
