i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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