I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
