Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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