i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
