when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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