When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
