For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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