she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
