I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
