his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
