Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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