the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
