Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
