I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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