Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
