Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
