I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
