chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
