It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
