new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
