I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
