I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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