Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
