sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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